I‘m French and had the chance to live 6 months in the US a few years back. The smiling and the sharing of private details confused me the exact way around: I met people who I felt were so warm to me I thought we had a real connection. Because that kind of smiling and exchanging only happens if you feel a true vibe with someone in France. When I texted these people to meet again, some declined and most never answered. I was so puzzled in the beginning, then I understood that Americans just have a very different way of socializing.
That’s so interesting! Thank you for sharing, I can see that. It is the opposite for sure, but part of me is now preferring the French way as it seems more authentic and longer-lasting.
I'm from Nigeria, where sharing is reserved for your nearest and dearest. People are polite but not necessarily open to you until they can establish that you can be trusted. When I first moved to the US for grad school, one of the orientation activities involved sharing about our journeys. People seemed so warm, and vulnerable, felt like we made a connection! Even I felt moved to share a bit, despite my reservations about oversharing. Only for me to be ignored by the same people subsequently - haha!
I quickly learned that while Americans overshare and are very friendly, this is just how they socialize and it doesn't necessarily mean anything! For what it's worth, I do appreciate the smiling and chit chat as is. It is pleasant in the moment. :)
I love how every article with the thesis of "the French aren't judgemental asssholes like you think" ends up confirming that the French are, in fact, judgemental assholes.
Respectfully, so do we. We see this in the thread in how welcoming we expect people to be to strangers. It's not a question of Americans or French are bad or good, it is a question of a willingness to engage people where they are, a flexibility of sensibilities. I tone down in France, because I read the cues. I love it when travelers embrace smiling and handshaking and invitations to sit in the U.S. Being polite cannot be "do everything our way." That's quite the opposite.
Judgmental arseholes? Have you looked in the mirror lately? How about loud, vulgar, and not culturally aware Americans are? Be conscious of your environment, and the country in which you are a guest. The world outside the shitty USA is not a theme park for you to wander around, talking EXTREMELY LOUDLY! . Just STFU and have some respect. You know that the citizens of the good old USA are pretty much mocked and despised by everyone who doesn’t live there, don’t you?
I'm in London and am American. Last night at dinner there was a British party of 8 on one side, obviously at a large table and on our other side an American girl with her British friend, sitting next to each other. Could I hear anything anyone in the large group said? No. Could I hear everything the American girl said? Yup.
A very accurate list. I’ve seen the change in our daughter when it comes to the America « dinner and a sideshow » antics. I’ve also noticed how our voices have dropped as well when my mom recently visited and she was so loud screaming her order and talking at the table. I finally had to say, « mom please speak quietly the conversation must stay only at this table. »
I’ll now also only eat my baguette discretely on the go. Very chic. Very unbothered. :)
I’m not ok with the constant judging in either country. To the man who found it odd that you feeding your children with wooden forks? Mind your own business. My children are hungry. Try finding a restaurant open between 2pm and 7 in France. I don’t carry a Stanley anywhere but lukewarm water in a tiny glass on a hot summer day isn’t much of a choice. I’ve been known to carry a 1.5 liter bottle of Vittel if I know I’m going to be out of the house for hours. And I’m not going to stop smiling. A man who assumed your friend was a prostitute because she smiled is the one I would have a problem with. Anyway I’ve lived in France and the US and if the French think I’m odd, so be it.
American restaurants over the last 30 years have gotten physically noisy, hard surfaces everywhere, open kitchen design. The local paper used to include a decibel rating on reviews.
But this is also a reflection on the difference between French and American culture. The French have a safety net. We do not. If you have to work a full time job and possibly a side hustle so you can eat and have health insurance, everything gets crammed into that.
I’d love to slow down. But I need health insurance.
I get it! I bring earplugs to restaurants now. The noise is deafening and I get overwhelmed. I always wonder if people who work in restaurants or other noisy businesses have hearing loss after a time.
God forbid there’s live music. I’d love to love live music in restaurants and bars but the sound systems are always ridiculously loud. I have to shout at the waiters or friends at the table to hear anything.
I went to a restaurant with a band and it they seemed to take the decibel meter on the wall as a personal challenge. They played at over 90 decibels at some points! Sorry, your 80’s coverband does not need to be louder than a freaking jet engine
It occurred to me, after watching the entire series Downton Abbey for the 3rd time, Mary does not carry around a water bottle, or purse filled with stuff and snacks. She sits down at a proper table a couple of times a day and eats and drinks. My god. How did these people survive not having sustenance and entertainment available all day every day?
I’m British and feel we are caught between the two - with an increasing slant toward the ‘American way’, so to speak. We go to France when we can, and I appreciate their ways, and I suppose feel more aligned with the French. My friendships on the whole, develop slowly but that means they are true, and not built on sand. Yet I find myself sometimes having to explain to fellow Brits why I’m not instantly, completely effusive about everyone I meet. Thanks for posting this - I feel more normal now! X
Unfortunately, for medical kidney reason, I actually do need to drink a LOT of water in a day...so I guess I will get looks w my water bottle. :( I've also heard that public restrooms are rare, so not sure how that will work. But, I'm sure it's just a matter of planning on my part. Travelling to Perigueux in the Fall and am very excited!
We went to London for fall break and I began to notice how loud I am when addressing my nine year old daughter. She was excited and darted into traffic and I yelled a warning to her - everyone on the street startled, stopped and turned to see what had happened! Clearly no one yells in the streets of London unless it’s an emergency. I also struggled with my Apple Pay to get on the tube and a dozen Londoners stood patiently waiting behind me and never said a word. Try doing that in NYC.
I'm with you on this, I don't have a water bottle and I do not eat on the go. I think the rot started when McD invaded our country. It depresses me to tell you that we now have a chicken wings outlet in Norwich.
I’m in the process of searching hotels and bnbs around Norwich for August. I will definitely not be dining that night at any fast food joints. Sad - Norwich is a beautiful city. Thanks for the heads up! 😉
I can recommend Blossom (restaurant) in Upper St Giles, good food and reasonably priced. Also Mark Poynton just outside of Norwich in Caistor St Edmund. Hotels? There’s St Giles Hotel in the centre or there is a Premier Inn and a Travelodge a short walk from the centre.
In Paris it’s very normal to have a water bottle - just a small one that fits into your purse. What’s really tacky - it seems to me - is buying a plastic one and filling the city’s already overflowing trash cans with more unnecessary waste.
I’m just going to say that in NYC we don’t see huge water bottles everywhere (and when we do it’s generally tourists) - but that is because there are hardly any public restrooms!
It's funny no one has mentioned yet that men in France, at least Paris, urinate in the street regularly. Not just late at night or while drunk. Middle of the day. Next to any little patch of privacy. Get on with your day.
That’s so interesting! I can sympathise with the French reserve because I’m British, in addition to which I lived in Russia for a few years where all of the above applied (or they did, 10 years ago), most particularly the point about smiling at people you didn’t know. If you did that, the immediate assumption was a) prostitute b) drunk/stoned or c) mentally challenged. Or, I have to say, American…
I would fit in perfectly there! The loud talking resonates the most with me because I find it so absurd when people talk loudly and speak in the same lingo. It's a major pet peeve of mine!
the giant water bottle thing is so offputting. Ideally it *should* look out of place everywhere. The slush slush, gulp gulp sounds and the squeezing from the air into the mouth at a distance...yech. Hydrate on your own damn time, and stop fixating on water to the point that you need to carry it around with you.
I mean, I might have gotten carried away a bit while writing this comment but I stand behind the sentiment fully. It’s a sensory thing for me, I despise the gulping, pouring, squeezing sounds of those bottles. Oh and how they look as well. Yeah no I change nothing about my original comment 😂🫣
My sister in law has a home in a tiny Italian village with only a handful of shops. There's only one of everything. One bar, one tiny grocery shop, and one butcher shop.
When I first visited, she called the butcher shop and asked what they had on that particular morning. They answered "sausages". She said fine and made her order, walked down to the shop and picked up her order.
"You have to order quickly or they run out," she said.
"What if you want something different?" I asked.
"You get what you get. That's how it works here."
I thought that was an absurd drawback for being able to live in place that is a beautiful space on a mountain just a few miles from several small beach towns.
I've never forgotten this dynamic and I've completely changed my mind on this. Their slow living philosophy is now something that I prefer.
Water bottles? Geez. I'm surrounded daily by people lugging around giant jugs o'water like they're doing a triathlon. You sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and go home and sit even more. You don't need 100 oz of water. You'll be fine. Big water (or at least big water jug) has totally convinced people that they must HYDRATE nonstop or risk sudden death.
To each his own. I prefer slow living and moderate water intake.
To comment on the smile - it is true that Americans smile more than other cultures. But I think this goes back to a lot of people of different cultures mixing together - when a smile might be the only thing that breaks the ice , proves welcoming , etc . Not embarrassed by the smile. 😊 🙂😃😄😀😁
With respect to the loud factor - if you think Americans are loud , go to Spain, Italy, Greece. It’s rough - ex-spouse of a Spaniard .
I wrote about this in my last story. I just wonder how everyone immediately knows I’m an American??? With my big happy smile, the t-shirt I’m wearing and my eye contact making self. I wonder how they know? 🤔😆😆😆😆
I‘m French and had the chance to live 6 months in the US a few years back. The smiling and the sharing of private details confused me the exact way around: I met people who I felt were so warm to me I thought we had a real connection. Because that kind of smiling and exchanging only happens if you feel a true vibe with someone in France. When I texted these people to meet again, some declined and most never answered. I was so puzzled in the beginning, then I understood that Americans just have a very different way of socializing.
That’s so interesting! Thank you for sharing, I can see that. It is the opposite for sure, but part of me is now preferring the French way as it seems more authentic and longer-lasting.
I'm from Nigeria, where sharing is reserved for your nearest and dearest. People are polite but not necessarily open to you until they can establish that you can be trusted. When I first moved to the US for grad school, one of the orientation activities involved sharing about our journeys. People seemed so warm, and vulnerable, felt like we made a connection! Even I felt moved to share a bit, despite my reservations about oversharing. Only for me to be ignored by the same people subsequently - haha!
I quickly learned that while Americans overshare and are very friendly, this is just how they socialize and it doesn't necessarily mean anything! For what it's worth, I do appreciate the smiling and chit chat as is. It is pleasant in the moment. :)
It feels like this as an autistic person too.
I totally relate to that. I don't fit the American "norm" for socialization, loudness, oversharing, etc.
I love how every article with the thesis of "the French aren't judgemental asssholes like you think" ends up confirming that the French are, in fact, judgemental assholes.
No, they are just normal people, leading normal lives, who also have some standards for how they behave in public.
Respectfully, so do we. We see this in the thread in how welcoming we expect people to be to strangers. It's not a question of Americans or French are bad or good, it is a question of a willingness to engage people where they are, a flexibility of sensibilities. I tone down in France, because I read the cues. I love it when travelers embrace smiling and handshaking and invitations to sit in the U.S. Being polite cannot be "do everything our way." That's quite the opposite.
Wow! as a french personne, I really hope that you don't live in France. At least we are not loud and crass like your comment.
How very American of you!
Nicely passive aggressive
Judgmental arseholes? Have you looked in the mirror lately? How about loud, vulgar, and not culturally aware Americans are? Be conscious of your environment, and the country in which you are a guest. The world outside the shitty USA is not a theme park for you to wander around, talking EXTREMELY LOUDLY! . Just STFU and have some respect. You know that the citizens of the good old USA are pretty much mocked and despised by everyone who doesn’t live there, don’t you?
Rude and unnecessary comment. Reserved is more apt. And wait until you visit Germany for next level reserved.
It’s not just the French who notice how inappropriately loud Americans are, all Europeans do. It’s baffling.
Really ? I was married to a Spaniard - Spain, Italy, Greece - all LOUD
People from Italy, Spain, and Greece are lively, sociable, passionate. They don't just scream for the sake of it.
Italians totally do.
Spanish as well.
Sorry, my fellow Americans are on another level than most. It's noticiable. Thankfully, the Chinese are putting up a great effort to out do us.
And the Portuguese...LOUD.
Same in Canada.
Australians/New Zealanders do too. It feels like attention-seeking.
Yup. I'm Dutch and Americans are well known for their loudness here too.
I'm in London and am American. Last night at dinner there was a British party of 8 on one side, obviously at a large table and on our other side an American girl with her British friend, sitting next to each other. Could I hear anything anyone in the large group said? No. Could I hear everything the American girl said? Yup.
Very true!
A very accurate list. I’ve seen the change in our daughter when it comes to the America « dinner and a sideshow » antics. I’ve also noticed how our voices have dropped as well when my mom recently visited and she was so loud screaming her order and talking at the table. I finally had to say, « mom please speak quietly the conversation must stay only at this table. »
I’ll now also only eat my baguette discretely on the go. Very chic. Very unbothered. :)
I’m not ok with the constant judging in either country. To the man who found it odd that you feeding your children with wooden forks? Mind your own business. My children are hungry. Try finding a restaurant open between 2pm and 7 in France. I don’t carry a Stanley anywhere but lukewarm water in a tiny glass on a hot summer day isn’t much of a choice. I’ve been known to carry a 1.5 liter bottle of Vittel if I know I’m going to be out of the house for hours. And I’m not going to stop smiling. A man who assumed your friend was a prostitute because she smiled is the one I would have a problem with. Anyway I’ve lived in France and the US and if the French think I’m odd, so be it.
Thank you! That’s funny about your Mom. My parents do the same thing when they visit and it only gets worse after a few glasses of wine 🍷
I still enjoy my baguette on the go too!
American restaurants over the last 30 years have gotten physically noisy, hard surfaces everywhere, open kitchen design. The local paper used to include a decibel rating on reviews.
But this is also a reflection on the difference between French and American culture. The French have a safety net. We do not. If you have to work a full time job and possibly a side hustle so you can eat and have health insurance, everything gets crammed into that.
I’d love to slow down. But I need health insurance.
I get it! I bring earplugs to restaurants now. The noise is deafening and I get overwhelmed. I always wonder if people who work in restaurants or other noisy businesses have hearing loss after a time.
Weather permitting an outdoor table anywhere in the world is the way to go.
God forbid there’s live music. I’d love to love live music in restaurants and bars but the sound systems are always ridiculously loud. I have to shout at the waiters or friends at the table to hear anything.
I went to a restaurant with a band and it they seemed to take the decibel meter on the wall as a personal challenge. They played at over 90 decibels at some points! Sorry, your 80’s coverband does not need to be louder than a freaking jet engine
Excellent points
Also the Spanish often eat standing in a tapas bar , on the go
They didn't 40 years ago.
What if I don’t care what the French think?
It occurred to me, after watching the entire series Downton Abbey for the 3rd time, Mary does not carry around a water bottle, or purse filled with stuff and snacks. She sits down at a proper table a couple of times a day and eats and drinks. My god. How did these people survive not having sustenance and entertainment available all day every day?
Haha - it’s so true! We’re conditioned to believe we need to chug at least 8-10 glasses of water a day and always have snacks on hand “just in case.”
Why are you carrying these bottles of water? I don't understand.
Hello, Bojana, I will carry water in Paris because I'm diabetic and I have to avoid dehydration. It's a matter of survival for me. :)
They had servants to get them what they wanted.
I’m American, and I don’t carry around a water bottle. It’s very much a personal preference. They just don’t notice the ones who don’t have them.
I’m British and feel we are caught between the two - with an increasing slant toward the ‘American way’, so to speak. We go to France when we can, and I appreciate their ways, and I suppose feel more aligned with the French. My friendships on the whole, develop slowly but that means they are true, and not built on sand. Yet I find myself sometimes having to explain to fellow Brits why I’m not instantly, completely effusive about everyone I meet. Thanks for posting this - I feel more normal now! X
Unfortunately, for medical kidney reason, I actually do need to drink a LOT of water in a day...so I guess I will get looks w my water bottle. :( I've also heard that public restrooms are rare, so not sure how that will work. But, I'm sure it's just a matter of planning on my part. Travelling to Perigueux in the Fall and am very excited!
We went to London for fall break and I began to notice how loud I am when addressing my nine year old daughter. She was excited and darted into traffic and I yelled a warning to her - everyone on the street startled, stopped and turned to see what had happened! Clearly no one yells in the streets of London unless it’s an emergency. I also struggled with my Apple Pay to get on the tube and a dozen Londoners stood patiently waiting behind me and never said a word. Try doing that in NYC.
Haha - great stories. Thank you for reading and sharing!
I'm with you on this, I don't have a water bottle and I do not eat on the go. I think the rot started when McD invaded our country. It depresses me to tell you that we now have a chicken wings outlet in Norwich.
I’m in the process of searching hotels and bnbs around Norwich for August. I will definitely not be dining that night at any fast food joints. Sad - Norwich is a beautiful city. Thanks for the heads up! 😉
I can recommend Blossom (restaurant) in Upper St Giles, good food and reasonably priced. Also Mark Poynton just outside of Norwich in Caistor St Edmund. Hotels? There’s St Giles Hotel in the centre or there is a Premier Inn and a Travelodge a short walk from the centre.
Thank you - I’ll take a look at those.
Canadian here, and we feel caught between
British and American. 😁
In Paris it’s very normal to have a water bottle - just a small one that fits into your purse. What’s really tacky - it seems to me - is buying a plastic one and filling the city’s already overflowing trash cans with more unnecessary waste.
I HAVE to carry a bottle of water because I am diabetic. :)
Yes, a small reusable bottle that easily fits in one's bag is quite normal, I noticed in France.
I’m just going to say that in NYC we don’t see huge water bottles everywhere (and when we do it’s generally tourists) - but that is because there are hardly any public restrooms!
It's funny no one has mentioned yet that men in France, at least Paris, urinate in the street regularly. Not just late at night or while drunk. Middle of the day. Next to any little patch of privacy. Get on with your day.
That’s so interesting! I can sympathise with the French reserve because I’m British, in addition to which I lived in Russia for a few years where all of the above applied (or they did, 10 years ago), most particularly the point about smiling at people you didn’t know. If you did that, the immediate assumption was a) prostitute b) drunk/stoned or c) mentally challenged. Or, I have to say, American…
I would fit in perfectly there! The loud talking resonates the most with me because I find it so absurd when people talk loudly and speak in the same lingo. It's a major pet peeve of mine!
the giant water bottle thing is so offputting. Ideally it *should* look out of place everywhere. The slush slush, gulp gulp sounds and the squeezing from the air into the mouth at a distance...yech. Hydrate on your own damn time, and stop fixating on water to the point that you need to carry it around with you.
That description of gulping is triggering my misophonia.
God yes me too…even writing it was painful for me 🤓
We can be bizarre with our sensory quirks together.
Really interesting you’re so bothered by the concept of a water bottle. Never heard of anyone get so worked up about something like that 😂
I mean, I might have gotten carried away a bit while writing this comment but I stand behind the sentiment fully. It’s a sensory thing for me, I despise the gulping, pouring, squeezing sounds of those bottles. Oh and how they look as well. Yeah no I change nothing about my original comment 😂🫣
This is bizarre comment.
What can I say? I guess I’m bizarre
My sister in law has a home in a tiny Italian village with only a handful of shops. There's only one of everything. One bar, one tiny grocery shop, and one butcher shop.
When I first visited, she called the butcher shop and asked what they had on that particular morning. They answered "sausages". She said fine and made her order, walked down to the shop and picked up her order.
"You have to order quickly or they run out," she said.
"What if you want something different?" I asked.
"You get what you get. That's how it works here."
I thought that was an absurd drawback for being able to live in place that is a beautiful space on a mountain just a few miles from several small beach towns.
I've never forgotten this dynamic and I've completely changed my mind on this. Their slow living philosophy is now something that I prefer.
Water bottles? Geez. I'm surrounded daily by people lugging around giant jugs o'water like they're doing a triathlon. You sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and go home and sit even more. You don't need 100 oz of water. You'll be fine. Big water (or at least big water jug) has totally convinced people that they must HYDRATE nonstop or risk sudden death.
To each his own. I prefer slow living and moderate water intake.
To comment on the smile - it is true that Americans smile more than other cultures. But I think this goes back to a lot of people of different cultures mixing together - when a smile might be the only thing that breaks the ice , proves welcoming , etc . Not embarrassed by the smile. 😊 🙂😃😄😀😁
With respect to the loud factor - if you think Americans are loud , go to Spain, Italy, Greece. It’s rough - ex-spouse of a Spaniard .
I wrote about this in my last story. I just wonder how everyone immediately knows I’m an American??? With my big happy smile, the t-shirt I’m wearing and my eye contact making self. I wonder how they know? 🤔😆😆😆😆